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“Most kids want to please their parents,” says Ilana Amrani-Cohen, LICSW, Ph D, director of the Families with Voices program at The Guidance Center in Cambridge, Mass.

“If they see their parent getting upset, they’ll clam up.” While fear and anxiety can make some moms go overboard, it prevents others from saying enough.

Kantor suggests statements like, “The fact is, most people your age are not having sex.” Even as your daughter gains independence in some areas, when it comes to sex and dating you can and should stay involved. Don’t allow your daughter to spend a lot of unsupervised time with her boyfriend.

And don’t allow her to date someone who is two years or more older than her.

Some parents think they’ve covered the bases with one or two comments, then leave their daughters to fend for themselves.

Cohen suggests parents help their daughters think about what’s important to them and the kinds of choices they want to make.

You still have a role in protecting your daughter’s physical and emotional health. If not, bring her to a doctor who can talk with her about protecting herself from unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. A Lifelong Conversation Even though her mother never had The Talk with her, Kaufman felt it was her obligation to talk with her daughters about sex, dating, and peer pressure.

If you have mixed feelings about your past or current sex life, do your best to come to terms with that before you talk to your daughter.

Your best intentions will fall flat if you come across as upset, afraid, or downright angry when you talk about sex.

She might be relieved that she can use you as an excuse for saying no.

Admit That You Don’t Understand What if your daughter says you don’t understand the pressure she’s facing? As a mom, you can say, “I probably don’t understand.

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